Dec30 2012
 Well it has been an amazing year for me , I am happy, healthy , I believe I am in better shape now then when I was thirty,  a 10 or 15 min jog with the dog is a blast that makes me feel great, working out at the gym is like meditation for me now.
What I do need is a new goal, a new focus and a new carrot at the end of the stick , last year Murtle Lake trip was my carrot so will have to work that out in the next couple of months, I will be going back to work in the next month or so and I think that is going to be a big change for me as well.
Oh by the way I love my new Bogs (boots ) if you don't have a pair OMG get one they are so comfy I love them thanks Santa.
I'm sad for the things we have lost this year, I feel a fracture in my soul and a piece that has always been here with me is gone, sometimes its hard to wrap my head around it and I have been trying hard to stay out of my head and in my heart.   I'm looking forward to a new year and all the things it brings.
 I don't like New year resolutions,but I find I do need to set goals that I can stick to and can look back at and feel I have finished something, so I will be setting a few of those soon. Have a great New Year all my friends and family
Love Always Cathy

Hello Peeps
I have  had a great Summer. Camping, music-fests, and to top it off a great trip in the Murtle Lake , with great friends, it was a bucket list thing for me and it was everything I hoped it would be , I hope to do it again .  The trip was a carrot on a stick for me , something I was looking forward to and thought about every time things got tuff at the gym it was what I used a a goal to move  more , to be in good enough shape to do it . I was in good enough shape even better than I hoped , maybe the best shape of my life , I'm not sure i could have done it at 30, maybe but at the end I thought , if I had to I could have turned around and walked back in , its a good thing.  So now to new goals , I need something to work towards . I am pretty happy with my weight, if I stayed at this weight, I would be ok with that, but I would like to lose 10 more pds , I would like the scale to say 149-154, something like that, one or two more inches off my waist would make me a very happy camper and I think it is a good goal. I have not lost anything since second week in Aug and I'm not surprised as I have not been paying close attention to my food , and I missed a few days at the gym although I worked pretty work doing other things. So i have been back to the gym every second day now and will start watching my food closely , no junk , more protein, more water, and move more. Its pretty simple really  . so what will the goal be , what can we do in the spring as a goal ,, have to work on that one. talk soon Peeps Love always Cathy

Good Morning Canada Day
Going to Coombs and spend the day with Sisters in law, niece's and great nieces and nephews , will be a fun day and I am going to wear shorts for the first time  since before May day weekend, I will take my jeans just in case , but hoping for sun today, my cucumbers are dieing for the second time this spring , it really is time for sun.

Hey its my Birthday and I had a great day. I thought I would do a grateful post.
Things I am grateful for:
First ...health wow I am so luck to have this new start, who gets that, Thanks you god and Dr Malik for a brand new start.
Thanks to Beth who is the best trainer ever , she is sweet and knows her job  so well , I am very lucky to work with her to build my body to something I can work with.
I am thankful to be able to begin to enjoy ( did I really say that) working out for the first time in my life.
I love Molly the Mini, OMG I love my camper, I am a happy camper. she really needs to be pimped now tho.

I love that I can get out of the shower at the gym and my towel fits around me, what a great feeling.
I love blue Jeans. With bling , without bling in any color, I forgot what it felt like to have a pair of great fitting jeans. I will never forget it again.
 I love sunshine , haven't had much, but the feeling of it on my shoulders as I walk around the yard is amazing.
I LOVE a bargain, I got all my jeans at value village.
I love being diff and a little crazy, it just feels normal to me .
I love that I am not depressed I talk to someone today who was and thought Wow I'm so happy its not how I'm feeling.
and Last I'm happy for great friends, family and new friends , the world is a great place , hope I never get jaded.
As for birthdays well not much I can do to stop them, might as well enjoy.
have a great day................Cathy

Wow what a Mother day , present from Jessy , off the Pancake Breakfast,(note to self, pancakes even a little,not a good thing no matter how good they taste), then Jim, spent the whole day weeding my front flower bed, my back won't let me do it, I restrung my wind chime, practice fly fishing with my new fly rod and reel, oh ya love it. hotdogs and a beer for dinner. a perfect day

Good Morning
Its a rainy wet Morning on Vancouver Island, but it has the feeling of spring rain, not cold winter rain , things are looking up.
 I have maybe turned a corner at the gym too, I don't hate it anymore, I wish I could say I love it but noooooo, but I really think this is a good turn, in my mind I can see having to do this forever on some level and the thought of that before was overwhelming to say the lest.
 I'm starting to feel strong, the very first stages of strong, man it took so long, I have never pushed this hard before on anything physical, it has been a real struggle for me, but I can feel the change and it is good :). It is still a battle to get the cardio in, I am doing 5 mins treadmill 5 mins elliptical 5 mins treadmill, till I get up to 20 to 25 mins, I get so bored with this part of it and I still have a lot of problem with uneven ground so not doing much out side, but going to start changing it up and trying outside. Got to be ready for Myrtle Lake end of summer, that is my goal, the holy grail , I'm so excited.
This has been hard for me in another way as well, every time I talk about the gym to people I hear myself  being negative and I want to check it and say something nice, I hate being negative, but its really how I feel about being there, also When ever someone says wow you look good I feel like I don't deserve it, I'm not sure where that is coming from, something about me being the one who got me here in the first place.
 So My New outlook is this, I feel great(cuz I do) and I look pretty dam good (I'm not feeling that, but going to work on it)and I have two pairs of jeans that when I wear them I feel skinny and s... ok not going to say that word yet , but it is lurking there. today the smile is back on my face, not the one I put on for you all, but the one I have on when no one is looking, just because I feel Happy.  :) Cathy

Good Morning
I know I know I'm a slacker. lol but I haven't been slacking , I'm working hard at the gym , and very  busy , everyday  flies by , I have been to hope to see Steve , took some crab and had a good visit. It was very hot when I was there and so nice we sat out side .
 I have been working with  Beth for 4 weeks now and it is going well, she adds something new every time and it adds new pain every time but it is getting better.
I also have nerve damage in my right foot and am starting to work that area to see  if I can make it come back, one foot flops a bit when I walk and I feel off  balance, I can't point my big toe at my nose , it is just a small muscle, but a very important  one , I have start to work it out yesterday and it was cramped all night, not sure if that is a good sign or a bad one.
My three middle toes are numb and have been since the back surgery and after working those little muscles yesterday are way more numb , hope its a good sign, time will tell. I am still losing weight about a pd a week. I'm happy with that and i am 26 pounds from the first goal I made for myself and I am not going to start planning anything till I get there . Its a weird little head game and I'm really having a hard time believe I can get there, not sure why , but I'm finding that the head game part of this process is the very hardest for me .

Sassy got a hair cut yesterday after a whole winter with out one what a diff dog, she is soooooo cute , in a diff way then she was cute last week.  She is wearing her coat most of the time right now, it is cold and rainy and she is cold.
Working out is still hard and not my favorite thing , but I don't hate it anymore .  The gym I going to is empty most times which is a good thing but I find it much easy to do cardio if some one is on the treadmill beside me , its kind of like I steal their rhythm.  I all ways do 20 mins cardio , last time I had the energy to go back at the end and do 10 mins more for the first time . I have to wonder what Jim thinks as I go to the gym then come home so tired I need to nap , mean time he is working his butt off for hours on both sides of my gym time .  He is very good at giving me the space I need to heal , must be a hard for him as he is so strong naturally.
On another note we are waiting to adopt a new big dog  , we really miss having a big dog around the yard, it is a big  empty hole in our life and we need a new friend for all of us . we have applied and been accepted to the collie rescue and now are jsut  waitng for a dog to appear. Hurry up so Sassy and I can start walking in the bush, I don't like to walk out there with just Sassy , she is like a snack on a leash. Ok that is all today , talk to you all soon
Cathy

Hey  Seems hard to get here very often this days.
 My Brother is really sick and I'm having a really hard time not thinking about him all the time.
Well size 13 was great and now size 12 is even better.  I'm not losing at a very fast pace , it seems very  slow, The new trainer says I'm not eating enough, it seams like a lot to me but everyone seems to agree so I will try to eat( have been trying) to eat more. 1500 cals is the goal, I'm doing about 1100 to 1250 right now . really not sure how to add more , and they have to be good cals too.  I'm still having nerve pain a bit , but it is off and on , not all the time and I think it is from all the shifting from weight lose , the new trainer (Beth) has given me a ton of very small movement exorcizes , they don't really seam like much , but crap they hurt after. all those sore places I have been protecting, that is the ones she wants to work, of course .  Cathy

Hey Happy day
I went to the Sally Ann yesterday and it was $1 day , so I tried on 20 pairs of pant and bought four and a bunch of tops , all the pant fit , most of the tops not quite yet , I am in between sizes on top and size 13 on the bottom, so for under 20 buck i have a new wardrobe yaaaa. I have a bit of nerve back back in my back , I hope to god it is just from losing and working out so hard and I can work though it. I start with a trainer on Tuesday who is hired to get me back to work  anyway she can , I'm really looking forward to it on one hand , I like her, but knowing that she is there for one reason , scares me as that is how I got this back problem in the first place , I have to be very careful to look after myself, because their job is to get me back to work , no matter what , its a little scary, I hope she is smart enough not to hurt me. going to try Zumba today , not sure if I'm up for it , but won a  eight week set so have to try it once. The last two days have been lovely sunny , but cold and now it is rain y and cold maybe snow today.

Hey Blog
I'm bogging down abit, my thyroid is really reacting to losing weight and some days are great some , I'm so tired, very hard to get to the gym when I'm feeling like that , I have no clothes that fit , and  haven't had much luck shopping , its a weird thing I guess, hard to figure out what size . on the great great great side my Blood sugar is average 6 , for the last 8 weeks, omg omg omg Yaaaaaaaaaaaaa love it so much I can't tell you ......C

so I went from feeling  amazing tons of energy ( really diff for me ) to dragging my ass , not just tired but muscle tired , just want o sleep , I dragged my self to the gym because I promised myself i would go no matter what , and I really just wanted to cry, my doctor has called twice and lowered my thyroid medication, because e of the weight loss , I don't need as much so he says , but this drag ass feeling, feels to me just like I felt when my thyroid was low , so I looked it up on the net , guess what , too much thyroid med can make you drag ass too, I can't win for losing, OK OK so I will do what the doctor says and keep dragging my butt to the gym, we are going out to the shellfish dinner tonight, I don't have to worry about over eating as most of it is oysters and clams and I don't eat things with guts in.

Well I have this big head game with food and it is getting me down a bit, I'm not hungry , but I can't stop thinking about food , i keep blocking it out , but it just keep coming up, its much worst at  night , the last two hours before bed is hell. I'm pretty busy but bored as well, I don't really know what to do with this head space.

Bored Bored Bored , I have projects going all over the place and I'm bored, is this related to food , I'm not sure, I don't want to watch TV , can only read so much and go to the gym so much, I guess it really is time to go back to work, will be taking some courses soon to be doing that, and I can't wait for the courses. Going to Victoria tomorrow to see the Dr , she will give me a food plan to follow , now that I'm healed . OK that's it for now.

Hey Blog
So sorry for not talking to ya . I have been very busy going to the gym, swimming , the days just fly by it seams. I feel very good and am losing weight  slowly, my clothes all look like someone else 's , Bathing suits are way to big and needed a new one, I love the pool , , and the hot tub warms the bones.  its like going to a spa every time. I have been busy making curtains for my little motor home and pillows cases for the family reunion project , going to have the kids all make their own pillowcase , it will be fun. On the health side I have not taken insulin since Christmas day , what a great Christmas present, and it just gets better everyday , I still take Metforman (a pill for blood sugar control) but with luck I will come off that as well, I have to think about food more than I ever did before because I eat every two hours , in small amounts. I go to the nutritionist next week and she will  get me eating just what I need . but basically I eat protein first , then veg's & salad then if I have room sweet potatoes or potatoes , no bread , or rice or anything white ,  It works well for me ..Later gator...C

Well you should never brag about how good you are doing cuz it will come back and bite you in the butt, I have a bit of a bug, I feel sick all the time , don't want to eat and head cold runny nose , headache , lovely lovely , and no energy, , I guess I will just sit back for a day or two and let my body heal..........C

Hey Jan 2 , Nice to see ya , its going to be a great year.
I have been a busy girl, I joined a Gym (with a pool) :) so after I sweat it up in the gym I can go for a nice swim (my fav) and a little water mediation. I am going to hire a trainer to teach me not to hurt my back while working out. and I have been to the gym twice already and am going tomorrow ( that pool is a big draw for me) and I got my sample pack of protein powders , most of them are Necter brand and the ones I've tried so far are OK , I won't go as far as good yet, but I make up this mix of water  or juice , protein powder, fiber(cuz I'm not getting enough) and some of my liquid vitamins , I call it radio active Joy juice and I take it with me as I go out and try to have it drank by the time I come back , so far so good. I am not taking any insulin right now , but my sugars are a bit high in the morning and then get lower though the day , so I am dumping sugar from my liver in the morning and I need to talk to Dr Miller tomorrow to see what he thinks I should do . A bit of tweekin will help with that I'm sure .  I had a ton of test today , they took five vials of blood , should know my whole live story when they come back.  bye for now ........C