Good Morning
Its a rainy wet Morning on Vancouver Island, but it has the feeling of spring rain, not cold winter rain , things are looking up.
 I have maybe turned a corner at the gym too, I don't hate it anymore, I wish I could say I love it but noooooo, but I really think this is a good turn, in my mind I can see having to do this forever on some level and the thought of that before was overwhelming to say the lest.
 I'm starting to feel strong, the very first stages of strong, man it took so long, I have never pushed this hard before on anything physical, it has been a real struggle for me, but I can feel the change and it is good :). It is still a battle to get the cardio in, I am doing 5 mins treadmill 5 mins elliptical 5 mins treadmill, till I get up to 20 to 25 mins, I get so bored with this part of it and I still have a lot of problem with uneven ground so not doing much out side, but going to start changing it up and trying outside. Got to be ready for Myrtle Lake end of summer, that is my goal, the holy grail , I'm so excited.
This has been hard for me in another way as well, every time I talk about the gym to people I hear myself  being negative and I want to check it and say something nice, I hate being negative, but its really how I feel about being there, also When ever someone says wow you look good I feel like I don't deserve it, I'm not sure where that is coming from, something about me being the one who got me here in the first place.
 So My New outlook is this, I feel great(cuz I do) and I look pretty dam good (I'm not feeling that, but going to work on it)and I have two pairs of jeans that when I wear them I feel skinny and s... ok not going to say that word yet , but it is lurking there. today the smile is back on my face, not the one I put on for you all, but the one I have on when no one is looking, just because I feel Happy.  :) Cathy